Discussion with a Friend

I want to commend you again for making such a success of life after a rough start.  Many people with rough starts end up in prison, as you probably know.  Sometimes I am brought to the verge of tears when I hear the life stories of inmates.  I am a team member for Alternatives to Violence, a weekend program on how to meet your emotional needs without resorting to violence.  I’ve heard some horrific stories of childhoods.

Friend:  “I believe the worst criminal in the world is the child molester.  I wouldn’t hesitate to beat to death a low-life like that without consideration of the consequences if any of my family or others were victimized by such an animal.  Next on my list would be the rapist.  Other than that, I consider myself a gentle and reasonable person as I have faults of my own.  Fortunately, controlling my emotions, I believe, comes easier with diminished hormones of aging and repeated life experiences.  There’s no question, that talking with others, especially friends, helps considerably in alleviating or even eliminating the violence associated with emotion.  Redirecting that negative energy to working out a punching bag, chopping wood, fast dancing, etc. asap is also beneficial.  Most often, all easier said than done.”

I hope I haven’t overwhelmed you with prison stories.  I’ve been telling you about incidents that were the highlights of my 20+ years behind the walls.   It’s not usually very exciting.  I have spent countless hours preparing lists for visitors for the 4 powwows a year and changing them 4 or 5 times in one day.  I also get to listen to guys complain about the officers and each other.  In general the child molesters have pleasant personalities (good for grooming victims) and the rapists are very demanding.  I never ask why someone is serving time, but it’s a small State and the guys all seem to know why the others are there and talk about it.

Child molesters are absolutely at the bottom of the food chain in prison.  A fair number of them are involved in chapel activities because it is the one safe place in the prison where they won’t get beaten up.  One of our case managers said something one day that stuck with me.  He said he would hate to wake up every morning with the strong urge to molest a child and he thanked God he didn’t have that urge.

Many, many of the inmates have been victims of molestation as children, but they try to bury the memories.  Some go on to do it themselves. 

Most of my days in the prison are much more mundane than this.  Today I supervised two lifers who wanted to go through their dance regalia.  Tomorrow I will supervise a man who wants to use my big scissors to cut rawhide.  I am only going to the prison a few hours a day since the activities available to the inmates are so limited now.

Rapists don’t seem to be very low on the totem pole unless the person raped is your family member.  Rape is very, very common in the Native culture.  They blame it on the boarding schools their grandparents attended.  Drug and alcohol use are rampant on the reservations.

Today I saw a former inmate as he was going out to court.  He was shown on surveillance video   on TV this week for robbing a convenience store with a shotgun.  He was wearing a bandana, but I recognized him as did many other prison staff so he was caught quickly.  I told him this morning, if he wanted to be on TV he could have done something different.  He smiled and said   he had at least been out of prison for a year.  Since this is his third felony, I think he will be in prison a long time.

In AVP, we suggest doing things like thinking before you act.  We do lots of interactive exercises where guys tell the other guys what has worked for them when someone jabs them while they are in the dinner line, etc.  A lot of men lift weights to relieve their tension or play basketball.

I’ve gone on way too long, but thanks for listening.

Mary